You are not alone on this journey. Your heavenly Father knows you. Even when no one else hears you, He hears you. . .seek him earnestly, and you will find Him. I promise you, you are not alone. – Dieter F. Uchtdorf –
I struggle with anxiety. With therapy and trial and error I have discovered that my anxiety is often heightened by a lack of sleep. I try my best to avoid multiple days in a row of little sleep or find ways to get rest during the day to offset the anxious thoughts. Unfortunately I didn’t always know this about myself.
There was a time when my husband was very sick with a virus. I was sleeping on the couch so he could be more comfortable. Lets be honest – it was also in hopes that I wouldn’t come down with the same crud! Unfortunately though I wasn’t sleeping. By the weekend I felt as if I was functioning on only a few hours each night. My anxiety kicked in causing me to be angry, irritable, and irrational. On Sunday morning my husband knew that I needed to take a deep breath and calm down. I wasn’t listening to anything he was trying to say to me. My irrational anger had already boiled over the pot. I had no time to stop what came out of my mouth:
“WHAT THE F*!@ IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
People, I don’t swear anymore. But on this particular Sunday morning, I said one of the most horrible words in the English language. And to my husband. My very sick husband who was just trying to get me to listen and calm down. Instead of taking a deep breath, staying calm, and shifting gears to tend to my sick husband – I got angry and swore.
Those words haunted me for days. Let’s be honest. They STILL haunt me. How could I treat the man that I’ve loved since we were 18 years old with such disrespect? How could I choose not to listen to his calming words and instead vomit that filth? I felt horrible and felt like I was the only selfish one that was stupid enough to make a mistake like that.
A few months ago I was listening to the For the Love podcast with Jen Hatmaker about these American midwives (Tara Livesay and KJ Johnson) that have moved to Haiti to help women give birth to their babies. Near the end of the podcast Tara said the following:
“I’m a hot head and I lose my temper easily and so when things are frustrating and six people are asking me something, I can sometimes act like a jerk.”
This is a woman that is doing the beautiful work of God. Helping so many women and children. And even she loses her temper and sometimes acts like a jerk!
I literally took a deep breath for the first time since those words flew out of my mouth. I realized for sure that I was not alone. That I had made a huge mistake, but so do other people. I don’t know Tara’s story, but I know mine. I know that I am a loved child of God who is with me now and always. Even when I make mistakes. He is with me just as He was with those wandering in the wilderness thousands of years before me. Even when they complained and lost their faith, He still loved them.
The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything. – Deuteronomy 2:7 NIV
Words are powerful. Have you had words come out of your mouth you wish you could take back? You are not alone my friends. Each of us makes mistakes, but God will never leave our sides throughout this journey. He will bless all parts of your life because His love is so grand!
I will leave today’s devotion with a quote from Bob Goff and his Dream Big Podcast with Ed Eason:
“You’re not a screw up just cause you screwed up”
Today ask God to take away the burden of the words you can’t take back. Thank him for wiping the slate clean. Smile because today is a new day!
Be sure to post in the comments how you felt after asking God for this beautiful gift!