Cleanse

This was my day yesterday….gatorade/Mirilax mixtures, three flavors of jello, and chicken broth.  It was a colon cleanse for one of my kiddos that has had a bit of trouble with constipation.  Due to the sensitivity of what that entailed, I will eliminate names at this point!

Have you ever been through a cleanse of any sort.  It’s basically a routine that rids your body of something you don’t want.  In our case it would be extra feces in the intestines.  But some people want to cleanse out toxins or sugars or whatever.

The process was very regimented.  Only clear liquids after breakfast and throughout the cleanse.  Every 20 minutes drinking 4oz. of the gatorade/Mirilax mixture.  Needless to say it consumed our entire day.  Especially when at about 24oz. the whole thing got hard and yucky.   But the child rallied through and woke up this morning feeling super energized and ready to tackle the world.

Have you ever had a week, a day, an hour, or even a minute you wanted to “cleanse” from your life?  I’m well known for most of the time saying the wrong thing or saying something that sounds NOTHING like what I mean.  I would just like a take back or “cleanse” or delete button on my life.  To just eliminate it from happening.  I still could learn from my mistake but no one other than myself has to suffer from it.  Wouldn’t that be great?  To cleanse it away and wake up the next day energized to do better instead of filled with sad and regret?

Unfortunately life doesn’t work like that.  It’s not that easy.  There has to be consequences for our choices.  If you are a parent you know what I’m talking about because there are consequences all the time for what your child does or doesn’t do.  The same is for us as adults.  What we say and what we do has consequences.  Good or bad.  How we handle a situation has effects on not just us but those people around us.  And there are no take backs.  Sometimes there isn’t even forgiveness from those we’ve hurt.

That’s not a very easy pill to swallow.  Lately I’ve been sort of reminded daily with the effects of things I’ve done in my past.  Ways I’ve treated my loved ones.  Things I’ve said to my loved ones.  It’s so hard to be thrown back into that fiery fury of terrible decisions. Reminded about those I’ve scarred because of actions, words, and choices.  It’s hard on my heart.  So hard.  But I know it’s probably nothing compared to those I’ve hurt.  Unfortunately the words I’m sorry – even said one thousand times – cannot take back that hurt.  And we have to live with that.

I think what is the hardest about living life here on earth is that we just cannot get perfect love and forgiveness from those around us.  It’s impossible.  But I will admit that is sometimes the only thing I want.  I forget that I already have God’s perfect love and forgiveness at all times.  That he wraps me up and holds me close and says “it’s okay my child” when I mess up.  That he wants me to learn from my consequences on this earth and why I should think before I act the next time.  But he will be there again to wrap me up and hold me if I mess up again.  It’s a never ending pure love and forgiveness!

….they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.  Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.” – Isaiah 35:2-4

And that’s exactly what happened.  He did come with a vengeance.  He came and gave us His son Jesus to die for my sins so that I can and will ALWAYS be forgiven.  He will ALWAYS love me.  That is a great and powerful thing.

We’ve been living in our new home now for almost seven months.  We only moved about 15 minutes from our old house.  This means we still go to the same church, the same schools, most of the same stores.  However our daily trips have taken a new route.  We travel different roads to get to the same spots.

The other evening I was driving home after dropping off my son at his school for basketball practice. I was thinking about how odd I felt.  I was on a road I had travelled in the past but this was the new road I am now often on, because it gets me to most places in relation to my new home.  This familiar road that was the less traveled road before has now become my new “normal” road.  The familiar city I’ve driven around regularly for 10 years has changed.  My new “normal” routes have changed.  I sometimes have reason to drive old roads near my old home and feel a pang of nostalgia for what once was, but very grateful for where my family is now.

The same goes for me as a person.  I can be reminded of my sins in the past.  But they are in the past.  That is the person I once was that I am no longer.  That part of my life I am not proud of, nor have any longing to return to.  Instead I feel only a pang of nostalgia for past experiences that made me learn how to be better – be the person I am today.  So just like those familiar roads – I’m driving the roads I need to be on now – my “new normal” because of those roads I drove in the past.

I was having dinner with a good friend Friday evening and we were talking about this blog.  That my intention was to be very honest and vulnerable with my life.  In hopes to help or relate to others.  To make this life we live more real – brokenness and all.  But that can be super scary.  There are a ton of  what if’s….who will be mad, who will be sad, who will react negatively.  So I am going to try to write daily in hopes that daily conversations make it easier and safer to share the realness of this life.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26